|Trusting that I will pass the test before me|
A brand new chapter has begun in my life and I am so excited and so shocked. The excitement everyone can understand but the shock came from left field. Many people that I thought would be with me marching to the new drummer's beat I found have stayed behind for reasons that I'm just not sure of. If I had to place a bet and trust me I'm not a betting woman, that these people would not be behind me, or beside me and supporting me then I would have lost all of my money.
To tell the absolute truth I'm shocked and dismayed. I cannot believe that some of my closes and most cherished people have dropped off from my new life and have not embraced me the way that I thought. I would never do that to them. Even if I felt some slight negativity I would be supportive because I know that my Lord is no respecter of person and if He provided for them, He will provide for me. We all have been blessed with talent. We each have our own creativity that is just ours. Mine may not be like yours and yours may not be like mine but we can appreciate what each other has.
After loosing my baby sister last year I realized that things just had to change. I could not expect something different if all I did was the same old thing in the same old way. I know you can't believe that Radical RevLa could do such a thing. Nevertheless I was right there doing the same old things expecting a different out come. Then just like being hit by lightening God parted his wisdom knowledge into my head and heart. I had to change. Not only did I have to change myself from the inside out but I had to change everything that was about me as well. This led to some very painful times.
I lost friends who had been in my life for so many years only to find out that they were holding me back from a new life. I now see that family members who I knew would always be there for me now have given me a cold shoulder or have just ignored my new joy and my project of love. Yes, it hurts deeply but I'm trying not to be so self-centered. I don't want to make it all about me, however it still cuts deep and I wonder why.
My thoughts are first centered on my own attitude. Have I done something that is offensive? Did I show love or support when those around me that I love had their own moments of joy? Did I show jealousy of any kind and if I did,... did I repent? I would hate to think that I did any of that when my relatives were blessed with their joy.
Then as I sat and pondered or prayed on these matters I realized that all will not have a heart of joy for my efforts. They will not be happy for me nor supportive. I cannot dwell on them and their attitudes. I must still love them and show support but I cannot allow myself to be dragged down into the crab barrel. I must fight to get out even if its meant that I loose a limb or two. So I walk this new chapter of my life clinging to the hand of my Almighty Father God. I know I'm not all right nor am I all wrong. I'm just a person trying to step into my new place in line and attempting to hold up my end.
I have the right to be happy right now. I have the right to enjoy this phase of my life. I have the right to look at my hard work and take a breath. I have the right to give God the Glory for what He has done so far and look forward to where I'm heading. I know it won't be easy and I also know that there are more hurdles to jump. I'm willing and I won't stop doing what I'm doing. I have a job to do and I'm not ready to stop now. I can only pray for those that I love. I pray that they will get on board and ride this train with me. However if they don't then get out of my way because I'm moving forward. I'm stepping into my next place in line and when this place is over then I will step into the next one.
Now for those who don't know my new place again I share it with you. I have just released my first new fiction novel and it has been a work of love and joy as God has given it to me. I would love for all of you to see the new Radical RevLa...I introduced to you the new me last month but I will bring her to you each month until you get to know her. I introduce you to the now fiction author SaBrowny Rae and her book Backdoor Tales: Tears of the Serpent and September Love. You can find out more about her and read parts of these great stories on our new website at www.sabrownyraebooks.com
Also enjoy the above new commercial that lets you see the hard work. We so want you to be a part of this new chapter of my new life and pray that you get this book all the buzz has stated that its good and worth investing in. As for those love ones who can not be happy or enjoy the new me...just give it time I'm the same as I was before only now I'm just in a new place in line. Just look I'm there for you loving you as I have always done only now I would like for you to love me as I love you. Trust me you will enjoy the new me better then the old one.
But what can I say...gotta to love me...ha,ha,ha...
no really you do.