It's Not Meant For Them

God has blessed us with a unique journey that is only for us individually. What I found that in the past I was so busy trying to explain what I had been called to do and didn't understand why no one could see it but me. Not only see it but care about it. I would allow their response to cause me to get caught up in my feelings. Wondering why people could not be happy for me. I would run to my family and friends thinking they would be happy and excited for me as I was and would meet a stonewall. Or worst ignored altogether.

I would start on my God given journey and would attempt to include people in it that was not suppose to be a part of that process. I would get down and have the blues and would not let it go. I would find myself talking about it to everyone in my circle. Trying my best to prove myself only to get hurt when they never gave me the love or support that I was looking for. Their rejection just made me push harder to achieve perfection.

Each goal I met would cause them to reject or ignore me more. My circle became smaller and smaller. I was lonely yet I continued with my journey. I was so glad and pleased with each new accomplishment and then run back to show them what I had done. Only to get the same response. I could not understand why they could not be happy for me or jump on board with me. I would think if the shoe was on the other foot I would be so proud of them.

I made sure that if any of my family or friends did anything that was their God given assignment then I would be their biggest cheerleader. I didn't just give them lip service but I would show them that I was happy from my heart. I would encourage and support them. I would pray for their journey. I knew that if God blessed them that it would be only a matter of time before he would bless me as well. I wanted to show others the love and support that I so wanted myself. While they accepted what I had to give they never gave me the same.

I prayed and was given my answer. Many would never understand what God had for me was for me. I didn't need man's approval to certify me in what God's plans were for my life. I could rest in the journey and just keep moving down my path. As I traveled on my journey there was only one who I had to please. That is my God and King. It's His plan that I follow and it's His comfort that I seek. He even allowed me to see my family and friends in a different light. 

While they may not say anything about what I do or how I do it in a way that would support me its alright. Some will never and some might but either way it should not affect me on my course. I just have to believe that it's not their fault that they don't understand my journey. It's not meant for them to because the journey is meant for me. Now that I know this I have decided that I will love and support all those I can as they do their God given journey. 

As for me I'm going for everything that God has for me. If no one likes it or encourages me about it then its fine. I know one day I will hear:
"Well done my good and faithful servant" 
So what can I say but:
Gotta love me…and I gotta love you!!!

Join #teamBackdoorTales
SaBrowny Rae will be coming out with another new book in the series in April 2014
Meanwhile get caught up on the first tale
Backdoor Tales: Tears of the Serpent and September Love
www.amazon.com/author/sabrownyraebooks
www.sabrownyraebooks.com

Are you living your life or just marking time?

Living life to the fullest is a choice

I just don't know what to do these days. All that's in front of me is brand new and I'm not sure just what I'm suppose to do. Let me explain. Before I retired from my day job I had everything planned out. Each morning I was going to get up just as if I had to go to work. I would do my morning worship and then exercise. I would plan out my meals and place myself on a low calorie diet. I would have several hours of housework and then move to my office and work on my latest novel.

Once that was done I would go out and do a class or swim and then meet a friend for lunch. I would go and visit my granddaughter and my daughter for a short visit. Then return home cook dinner and then take a nap until my husband came home. I would work one day a week at my part-time job and spend quality time with my spouse. Before I retired for the night I would update my blogs, work on promoting and marketing the current book, do some work on the marriage and relationship ministry then take a nice hot bath.

I would go to sleep beside my husband after evening prayers and then wake up and do it all over again. Now I don't know what fairytale I was living in but none of this has happened yet. I'm working two days a week. All I want to do is sleep and stay in my room. Exercise and eating right has become a joke. My husband's job has changed his hours so many times that we don't know if he's working days or nights. My daughter is having another baby and leaning on me to help her with everything. The marriage ministry is growing. My first book is out and marketing and promoting is difficult and my morning worship had been off and on depending on when my husband is up or not.

Nothing has gone according to plans and I'm not living my life I'm just marking time. I must find a way to get a handle on this before I throw in the towel. When I couldn't do it because of work I was so organize. Now that I have plenty of time I just can't seem to manage anything. So I had to stop and look at what's going on with my life. I have got to find a way to live my life in peace and harmony for me. I can't let my husband , daughter, sons, or anyone else disrupt my peace. I didn't retire to lay around like a rock and do nothing. Or the things that I have done to just be in vain.

I must get a handle on the matters that are important to my life and not allow those around me to suck up my new life. So now I must look at myself for all that I'm worth and declare that I'm going to live for me and let no one take away my peace. This is the last week that I let someone else's choices reflect on me. I have been retired for a year as of this month and I have not done anything to break out of this mode.

This month Radical RevLa is going to make a change. As Michael Jackson once sang I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm not just asking him to change his ways but I'm saying "RevLa change now or shut your mouth".
Now you know I can't shut my mouth so I guess I have to make that change.

Gotta love me...and I gotta to love me first.

 Buy my new book:
Backdoor Tales: Tears of the Serpent and September Love
By:
SaBrowny Rae
 aka
 Radical RevLa

www.sabrownyraebooks.com

Radical RevLa: The Year of the Black Woman

God give me the strength to do the things that I must and to ignore those
who are trying to knock me down

You would think with this month being black history month that I wouldn't get flack when I announced on our Christian Social Network  "Feeling God" (ok we pause for a commercial break...visit http://www.feelinggod.ning.com/) that this year I had decided to honor the black woman. I heard all kinds of compliants. From "its ok to do it for a month but really a whole year" to "does the black woman really deserve to be honored in that way? What about all women? Let's not make this a racial thing!".

I was shocked to get this reaction and somewhat hurt. In all of my 59 years on this earth I really don't remember black women being honored in this way ever. Not to say it has not been done I'm just unaware. Not only that anyone that knows me both physically or virtually knows that I never look at race. Why is it when a black person expresses anything positive about their race or culture its considered a race issue. This does not happen with any other race but the black race. Then to top it off to place focus on the black woman. This is just wrong.

I was even told that the black woman is too mean to be honored. Reallyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Did the person speaking forget that they were addressing a black lady? I almost fit the sterotype when my first thought was to just slap him upside his head, but thought better of it. So what I decided to do was to honor her anyway and ....nanie...nanie...boo...boo(oh so childish RevLa).
My thinking is this: if no one else will honor me as the black woman that I am then I will and all of my sisters. As for the other races of females I honor you for being a woman as I am and sure that you as a whole have been honored more than we have so be supportive of us this year and go along. Maybe next year we will do you.

To all of the negative people this is your time to just KEEP YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT WHO I DECIDE TO HONOR TO YOURSELF! You may talk to the hand or any other body part that will listen to you because my ears will not. I love who I am. I love being the strong black woman of God that I have been created to be and sorry its time for me to say it and encourage others that may look like me to do the same. "Well RevLa you don't have to brag!" And why not? Many other races, cultures, males do the samething why can I? And frankly I don't care if you think I'm bragging or not...that is an issue that I consider is your personal problem and you should deal with that. Don't bring it to me.

"See I told you the black woman is mean and angry" Wrong, wrong, and not fair!!! Let us have the same oportunities as our counterparts both male and female. Then we have our 15min. of fame and glory then we can be placed back in the lineup. So with all of this posting said I will be writing and blogging this entire year off and on about our wonderful soul sisters. I will feature them on our social network more but here I will be doing a sound blast about whomever I feel or to just vent. When I do don't take it in the negative. Allow us to love ourselves for once. Sisters of other races we are still sisters and you know the black woman always loves. So we will never slight you but this time show your support of us.

Men of all races and those of our own please give us a chance. We have earned it and are loyal and have your back even when you are wrong. We ask that for one year that you say nice things about us. Tell a black woman just how great she is. Remember all of the races came out of the black woman.....(its been proven..something to think about).

As always I leave you with a thought to get you to my next month's post....(after this one you may not want to come back...ha,ha,ha)
If I was to make a statement that would say who the black woman was in just one sentence I would have to say the following:
She is the mother of all of mankind, she loves hard and long, she carries her heavy load with her head held high, she has a deep spirituality and believes the Word of God as law, she takes care of her man, children, grandchildren, parents, grandparents, siblings, church members, co-workers, and the needy, she quietly absorbs insults to her appearance, character, intellect, ablilites, and anything that other woman are praised for, she is made fun of, called out of her name and laughed at yet you never see her sweat, she prays hard and long for everyone, and many times she does not take the time to love or take care of herself, she crys long and hard alone out of sight so no one will call her weak, she is a loyal friend and strong adversary, and for the most part she is a true child of God.
This is my opinion in one sentence as to whom the black woman is.

Really it is one sentence....I didn't say it was not going to be a run-on sentence...ha,ha,ha
Gotta love me...I am the typical Afro-American Black Christian Preacher Woman
(I know bad RevLa...bad...bad...bad)
Until next time kiss the next black woman you see and tell her she is loved.

Radical RevLa: I'm Free Just Being Me

Free at Last to just be me. Such great Joy


Why did it take me so long to be free and comfortable just being me?  After all who really could be Radical RevLa but me. I realize now its always been a big job being me.
Not that I'm all that as the young kids would say but looking back over my 59 years of living it has dawned on me that I'm a bit much.

Had I been my own mother I would have ran away from me as quickly as I could. Let's face it God knew all that would be needed to deal with a radical such as I am so He gave me not just one mother but two. One that gave birth to me and one who raised me from the age of 3 months until adulthood. In fact it was the passing away of my mother (the one who loved and raised me and didn't have to) that has sparked this wonderful sense of freedom.

Her passing has had me refelecting on myself as a person. Most of the time I'm so critical about myself. Always looking in the mirror and finding all of the flaws. Too fat, too old, too gray, too, too, too! But this time I've stood in the mirror and said "you know kid you are not that bad" It seemed like once my ears hear those words a feeling of peace over took me. I no longer really cared what anyone said or thought about me. I was free!

Free to live my life as God has called me to do. Free to look the way I want to. Free to loose weight or gain weight or to stay the same it didn't matter because ....guess what? I'm free!!! Oh the joy I feel. The peace I'm enjoying and the love I have gain leaves me speechless...(yeah right!!)

So for those who can not understand why I smile when I know people around me are talking bad about me. For those who can't seem to understand why I dress as if I walked out of a vintage fair on a Sunday morning. For those who just can't seem to understand how I can do a thousand things at one time but look as if I'm doing nothing. Then I will give you my answer
I AM FREE!!!
As Martin Luther King said
"FREE AT LAST ....FREE AT LAST...THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I'M FREE AT LAST!!!

THE JOY OF BEING FREE IN MY OWN SKIN
PRICELESS!!!