|When a man hurts its felt by all|
I noticed something about myself...I tend to feel that man or shall I say men in general don't hurt. While I know this is not true we all do but sometimes to me I get the impression that they are so strong that nothing can hurt them. Maybe its just because a man approaches life in the offensive mode. He just looks at life and the people in his life in a way that will keep them always on the defense. This way he never has to defend himself.
If that is his life's strategy then really its a good one because as a woman I have been defending myself on everything. And honestly its usually a man that has place me in that general direction. The other thing about men they stick together. They never let you see them sweat or allow their buddies to be caught in a way that was not "Manly". While us women will allow each other to sink and then attempt to drown you as you are trying to swim to shore a man won't do that even to his enemy. Once he and his enemy have had words then they are off to bigger and better things.
So when you see a man let go of his control and appear lost and alone it really hurts. It somehow makes the world seem unbalance. I've been seeing it lately with our present economy. Many men who took pride in working hard and caring for their families are now in a state where they have lost their jobs. No matter how hard they try they can't get one or make ends meet. This takes a toll on a man's self esteem. Many of them are now changing roles. They find themselves as the housekeepers, babysitters, stay at home dads. Or they are the ones making the morning coffee and waving good bye at the door as their wives drive off to work.
This is a sad state of affairs. In no way do I want the man to loose his true identity. I've seen men walking around with their heads down and just trying anything to provide. Providing and protecting is a God given instinct for the male as is nurturing and providing care and attention is to a woman. While it makes you blink twice to see men on TV talking about the plight of the Average Man in this present economy it makes my heart hurt to see them break down and cry. Who knew that they could feel and hurt so deeply?
Recently for the first time in over 35 years my husband was laid off for a short period of time. I watched him walking around slightly unsure of himself. He was devastated and really couldn't get a grip of his role. He being a proud and very strong man never depended on anyone to provide for his family. He being a true man of God knew that it was He who would get him through to the next level. But for the first time I saw him hurt. I saw his steady world shaken up. Suddenly his world was not moving in the way he thought it would. He questioned his placement in the family and he was just not sure of what he should do.
He faced a double whammy. While being very fit and strong able to do the work of men so much younger than he now his age was working against him. He was a man that was always the leader and in charge while at work. Now he was looking for entry level and was so over qualified. He could have retired and enjoyed himself this he never looked at because this was a man who loved to work and take care of his home. He questioned how I looked at him. Face it he is married to me!!! Being who I am could not help his feeling of lost and confusion.
Being the strong woman that I am I was ready to just say enjoy it and rest awhile. You see my husband would never take a vacation unless I forced him. He never missed a day no matter how sick he was. He worked for the same company for 25 years and then moved to another company and was there for 10. This man worked extra and would work side work. He was and is active in our church and ministry and in a gospel singing group. He flat out said that he was not ready to come home and sit.
While I admired him for being who he is I just about lost it. It took all that I had to keep my big mouth shut. In my spirit all I could yell was "REALLY GOD HE 'S THE ONE WHO WANTS TO WORK....I'M THE ONE WHO WANTS TO COME HOME....AND NOW I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO WORKKKKKKKKKKKK ....THIS IS NOT FAIRRRRRRRR!!!" I know bad RevLa...very very bad Revla. But guys I didn't say any of this. Nor did I baby him. I hurt so bad looking in his eyes and seeing his world changing and he had no control of it. I told him that it didn't matter. That I loved him with all of my heart and I would do whatever it took to keep things going and whatever he needed me to do I would do....(I know good RevLa for a change....lol).
I gave him a honey-do list that would make your head spin. Finally I could get some of the renovations that I needed done on our home. I also told him that if he needed to just do nothing that was alright with me as well. I keep a straight face when I got up at 5am to get ready for work as he slept. I was grateful for the coffee that he had set to perk when I was ready to walk out the door. I refused to cry and feel sorry for myself because I had to work and still do all the other things including update my blogs. I would not give into the need in me to just go into a depression because I felt everything was so unfair.
I enjoyed coming home and dinner was ready. It felt funny having him talking about what he had done and read or saw on TV. I wanted to just yell and say "be quiet I need a moment" but could see how lonely he was not being use to being at home. I saw a softer side of him that I would have never seen if it was not for this present situation. So I could no longer see him like this. I did the only thing that I knew would work. I decided to "make war on the floor". I got on my knees and asked God to give him his hearts desire. I wanted him to be happy in whatever life had to offer him. So I just thank God for the victory and just kept saying "thank you Lord for my husband's new job".
Then one day I came home and saw him also on his knees. I saw a peace come over him and for the first time since the lay-off I saw him take a deep breath and let it go. He was okay. He had accepted what life had thrown at him and because I took on the role of his wife and supported him (and trust me for a woman such as I this was difficult) I stayed in my place as ordered by God he was able to deal with what he had been dealt. He changed before my very eyes and accepted changed. He returned back to the man that he had always been.
Then just like that he was back to work. Happy as ever and now knowing that his true wealth was in his Christ Jesus. If this was to ever happen again he knows that it has nothing to do with who he is. That he is always the King in this castle!
This incident also changed me because I am seeing men in a different light. It was good for me to see that they do feel and when they do they feel deeply. I was able to hold my tongue and to not wallow in my own self pity. For once I didn't fight against my placement as a helpmate to my husband. For once I was able to go to God with confidence knowing that He would provide my husband what he needed and wanted. While I'm not glad that he had to deal with this but I'm glad that he came through strong and will never look at what the world gives him as his marker for who he is.
Ladies I leave you with this:
While men are arrogant and sometimes hit below the belt this world is really putting them in a place that they have never dealt with before. Its hard out here for us but for some reason I feel we were built to endure the hard things in life. Meaning the hard things that hurt your heart and rip at your soul and then be able to place it in a compartment and keep moving in a forward direction. Men may get on your last nerve but when they are lost and that soft side is expose its sad and it hurts. Trust me I was ready to rip the world a new one when I saw my man suffering. But I also know that he needed this experience so that he could build up his faith and know without a shadow of doubt who was the source of his wealth. We must pray for our men and for our world. We must stand strong for them and fight in the best way we know how and that is to make that "war on the floor" and then pull satan's kingdom down.
I won't end this post bad. I will just say that as the world changes and things look grim remember that our God can do all things but fail!
Okay that was far too nice....Lord I just have to get this off my chest
Really God....I am the one who wants to come home....can we make this happen?...
Now did you really think I would leave in such a nice way?
Gotta love me